Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Le chat noir

This morning I awoke to find two emails from my cat, who seems to be growing increasingly desperate in my absence. Mom's been taking care of him while I'm away in Paris and I know he's in good hands even if her lap is not the same as mine. Here are the emails from mon chat to amuse you until I get another post up.


Allo maman,

Grandmere is barely meeting my needs as once again it pours liquid from the sky and the door into summer is nowhere to be found. Fortunately your robe de chambre is adequate and I have patted it into a semblance of moderate comfort. You will be returning with baguettes, n'est pas? A small rodent would not be amiss - I understand the variation in diet changes the flavour of the flesh.

(Help, I'm being held hostage by a gang of philistines who, when I said that after Sweeney Todd, West Side Story was possibly the best American Musical, replied "Oh no...uh, uh... Cats is..."
sigh...help....)

Pardon maman, I told her that she was not allowed to hijack my email to complain..... bad manners. Well, I am awaiting posts of your first days out of the americas... nothing forthcoming because I am sure you are eating your way through the pastries, pommes frites, and entrecotes. Well, I am missing your lap as grandmere refuses to sit with her legs crossed so I can nap.

Come home soon or I shall send a broom for you.

Avec affection,

Oberon

---------------------------------------------------------------

I have failed to find the door into summer.

He scorns the litter box.

He sulks atop the shed at the side of the house because I told him to take a stroll when the rain stopped.

He is miffed at the lack of fresh sushi.

I am desolate and will have to commit sepuku.

Love, moi

No comments: