Saturday, January 8, 2011

Day Seven: Le Louvre

Day Seven: Le Louvre
Jan. 6 2011

Today Timmy went to the Louvre. See?

That pyramid thingy is the entrance. Don't ask me why, cause I don't know.

It was a cold and grey day but luckily Dad and I had our raincoats. Timmy stayed in my purse for the most part while we waited in line. You guys see this?


Yeah. That was the line. I have come to conclusion that Paris is basically just Disneyland for the haute couture.

So we waited outside for a while, which wasn't too bad as it wasn't raining very hard and I got to stare at this giant gorgeous building around me. The Louvre palace used to be the residence of the French monarchy until Louis the XIV up and moved everything to Versailles. As far as I know, the building was still used as government offices until the revolution and Napoleon III was the last person to live there. As with other French national monuments I've noticed, soldiers with uzis were on standby to deter any would be terrorists.

Once we made it to the pyramid they xrayed my purse and we went down an escalator into the main lobby which springs off into three wings. Dad and I decided to start on the medieval level. Somewhere along the way we saw this.

No...Jewish photographers? OH! Oh, no flash. Riiiight, gotcha.

We got to see original foundations of the fortress. That was neat. For some reason they had all this modern art crap in the same area. I hate when they mix periods/genres like that. Drives me freaking nuts.
Here's Timmy in front of a model of the original fortress.

After that we wound our way over to the Greek and Roman relics where Timmy made friends with the Venus de Milo.
Heya, toots.

And now here's something people rarely see in their lifetimes...the backside of Venus.

Nice tokus

But my favorite part of the Louvre was probably the objects d'art and the apartments of Napoleon III. These are some niiiiiiice digs, people.

I like taking pictures of mirrors...


Now this is a dining room. I think somebody finally beat my grandmother's Christmas table.


Here we have the parlor

Timmy approves of the decor.

Speaking of Timmy, guess who got lost in the Louvre? Yes, that's right. Timmy got lost and I nearly had a fucking heart attack. It happened when Dad and I were looking around the Mesopotamian exhibit. I reached into my purse so I could take a picture of Timmy in front of a giant sphinx when I suddenly realized he wasn't there. Panicked, I turned to my father.

"Dad, Timmy's gone."

Dad looked just as alarmed as I was. "Don't even joke about that."

I hurriedly walked back to the previous room and retraced my steps around the corner and back to the stairs we'd walked down earlier and found Timmy sitting on one of the steps. I snatched him up and just held him in my hands for a good five minutes to reassure myself that he wasn't going anywhere. Timmy remained buried deep in my purse for the rest of our visit unless he was needed for pictures. Needless to say, Timmy was grounded for the rest of the day and did not get any pastries.

And now it's time to play the caption game. This is where Dad and I take a famous or not so famous work of art and add a caption to it to make it more interesting. Ready? Go!

I been here five years! They only hung me the right way up yesterday!

C'mon, guys! We got the hookers for the whole night!

And I will hug him, and squeeze him, and pet him and name him George.

Does this horse make my ass look big?

Jesus, I'd go blind painting in all those numbers...

Ahhhhhgod! I found Edward Cullen! KILL IT! Kill it with a stick!


And now what you've all been waiting for, the piece de resistance, the Mona Lisa herself!


Well, sorta.

That's Dad working his way toward the Mona Lisa. They only let you get about seven feet away from her and there's always a crowd of gawkers ooing and ahhing over a piece of art they can barely make out the detail on.

I will say this, though: finding the Mona Lisa was really easy. Unlike Pere Lachaise, there were signs everywhere saying, "This way to the Mona Lisa!" with handy little arrows pointing which direction to go. Why couldn't they do that for Jim Morrison's grave? The least they could do is tie some helium balloons to the tree so you know where the party is.

I finally worked my way through the crowd and got Timmy up to the front. Here you are.

Say "cheese," Timmy!


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